The Secret Is Wags

In Complaint Free Relationships, which I read last weekend, Will Bowen references narrative psychology, a field built on the belief that the stories we tell about ourselves shape our identities and ultimately our lives.  I hadn’t thought about narrative psychology in years, but I learned about it in college (I majored I psychology).

The idea is that we take the experiences we have in our lives, and we create a narrative around them, a story that connects the experiences and attaches meaning to them.  It’s a sort of connect the dots thing we do to hook random events together to create “truth” where none really exists.

Once we create our story, we look for experiences to reinforce our story.  We also filter new experiences through that story.

I mentioned in the post, Throwing Away The Drill, that for much of my life, my story was “I’m not good enough.”  My story was more complicated than that, obviously.  It had a lot of subplots about who I am as a wife, a friend, a writer, a dog mom, etc.  But that was the theme of my story.

That’s not my story anymore, but my new one isn’t a whole lot better.  And I wasn’t even aware of this lousy story until I saw that passage about narrative psychology.  Then the title of my narrative flashed across the wide screen of my mind, with nice bright graphics behind it:  “I Have Succeeded At Anything In Years.”  Can’t you just hear the dirge-like, heavy musical score with lots of slow oboe and tuba action in it that goes behind that title.  Maybe some nice screechy violins too.

When you have a narrative like this, you create a cast of characters for it.  These are the qualities and feelings that you that you associate with your story.  Here’s part of the cast that’s been starring in my story:

• Failure (Big hairy dude with bad teeth)
• Disappointed (Sniveling petite woman who blinks a lot)
• Frustrated (Freckled kid who chews on her nails)
• Doubtful (Old woman with a perpetual frown who carries mace in her huge old purse)
• Angry (Big, big, big woman who eats Hostess cupcakes all day and growls like a dog)
• Lousy Marketer (Weasel-like bald guy who corners people in elevators to sell them vitamins)
• Worn Out (Thin woman with stringy hair and narcolepsy)
• Terrified (Shrill blonde with red lipstick who’s constantly looking over her shoulder)

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Is it any wonder I’ve not been getting what I want lately?  How can I with a story like that?

The law of attraction responds to how we feel now, not how we want to feel.  When you have a lousy tale, you don’t feel good enough to wag your tail.  If you’re not wagging your tail, you’re not attracting things you want.

If we want new experiences, we need to tell a new story.

So here’s my new story (inspired by one of Tim’s favorite slang words):

“Ande ROCKS!!”

Like it?

It sure makes ME feel good.

Here’s my new cast of characters (I won’t bother to describe them—they’re all vibrant, beautiful (in their own way), funky, and fun):

• Amazing
• Enthusiastic
• Ecstatic
• Radiant
• Energetic
• Fascinating
• Wise
• Funny
• Rare
• Insightful
• Brilliant
• Creative
• Blessed
• Blissful
• Charming
• Pioneering
• Joyful
• Kind
• Inspirational
• Intentional
• Loving
• Appreciative

and several more; but the star of the show is ……..

• HAPPY

And the new music for my story?  Here you go:

Fast Tube by Casper

And the graphic? How about this?

I’ve started living from this story instead of the dark one I’ve been telling myself for months.  When you live from a story, you look at your experiences from the perspective of this story.

So whatever happens to me, I have to filter it through “Ande ROCKS!” and my cast of characters.  This forces me to put a whole different spin on my experiences.

What about you?

What’s your story?

Who stars in it?

How does it affect your life?

Got a great story?  Tell me.

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