One Habit You Must Give Up To Be Happy
About six weeks ago, Tim took two new jobs. Neither job is ideal—in terms of hours, money, or the work itself—but jobs are jobs, and we need income.
For the first month or so of Tim’s new 7-day a week work schedule, we struggled a little to accept our lifestyle change. For years, we’ve worked together at home and enjoyed the freedom of setting our own hours. It was tough to accept having a couple companies dictate our schedule.
Tim dealt with it better than I did. He’s good at finding what Abraham-Hicks calls positive aspects (the upside of the situation), and he decided to enjoy the challenge of learning his new tasks. He also focused on enjoying the variety of people he met. Still, even as I felt a profound sense of loss, as if I was grieving the life we’d thought we created and had to let go to deal with our present circumstances, I saw that Tim’s energy was lower than I’d seen in awhile. He said he was okay, but his body language and manner said different.
I knew we needed to do something to shift our point of attraction. Our vibrational frequency was lower than it needed to be to match our desires. What could we do?
By now, we’ve amassed a pretty decent arsenal of tools to help us shift our energy (I’ve listed a few previous posts at the bottom of this one that talk about some of those tools). None of the tools, though, were having a strong impact.
For several days, I gave in to negativity and wallowed. It didn’t feel good.
But it served a purpose. During those days, I noticed something about what Tim was doing when he got home from work.
Like most people do at the end of their day, Tim came home and told me about his day. Even though he didn’t complain (we gave that up in March), his conversation was all about “what is.” And we don’t want to keep recreating what is, so why talk about it.
From Narrator To Storyteller
One day, I said to Tim, “I love you, and it’s not that I don’t care about what you’re doing, but I don’t want to hear about it. It doesn’t make me feel good, and it doesn’t seem to be making you feel good either.”
I suggested to him that by rehashing his day, he was recreating the energy of it. When he recreated the energy of it, he solidified himself in the identity of a man working 7 days a week to not even make ends meet. And it solidified in me the identity of a woman whose husband was working hard to make not enough money. It felt lousy.
And worse, with those identities, how could the law of attraction bring us anything except more “not enough money” and “working hard?”
“We need to change the story,” I told Tim.
I suggested that he shift what he was telling me at the end of his day. We created two guidelines for sharing:
1. He doesn’t share any part of his day with me unless what he’s sharing makes him feel good in some powerful way. For example, in his job as a hotel front desk clerk, he often gets to see and interact with cute dogs as their people check in. He loves that, and he can tell me about that.
2. If he thought about some aspect of the life we want to live, about his identity of a man who has plenty of money and is enjoying his desires, he can tell me about that. In other words, instead of being a narrator of his day, he would become a storyteller, spinning the yarn of our new reality.
So Tim started telling me about his new woodworking shop and what he was building in it, about his rounds of golf, about our travels in our RV, about our move to Oregon, about playing with our three dogs. All of these things are part of our virtual reality.
These two changes had an almost magical impact.
First, we both felt better immediately. We smiled more. We laughed more.
Second, we enjoyed being together more. When we were stuck in the blah, blah, blah, of “what is,” the chemistry between us felt flat.
Third, our physical and mental energy shot up. Whereas Tim had been dragging and was having headaches before the narration to storyteller shift, now he was animated with a dynamic vibration that was palpable. His headaches disappeared. And whereas I had been chronically sleepy, I shifted to lively and alert.
Talking about our days is a habit we learn when we’re young. “How was school today?” your mom probably asked you. And it’s a habit that’s perpetuated by our classic common greetings: “What’s up?” “How are you doing?” “What’s going on?” “How have you been?”
Energy is never static. We can’t truly be stuck. But it can feel like we are. Without thinking about it, we get caught in a rut of recreating our current reality over and over and over again.
If your energy is low, if you’re feeling lousy, check to see if you’re narrating your life. Is rehashing the current circumstances slowing down your frequency and lowering your physical and mental energy levels?
Try storytelling.
And invite storytelling too. Trade “What’s up?” and “How are you?” to “What has lit you up today?” and “What’s in your vibrational escrow?” For the non-Abraham-Hicks savvy, try, “How would you be feeling and what would you be doing if your life was just as you want it to be today?”
Ask yourself this question and tell that story. And ask others and draw out their stories.
You’ll love how happy you’ll feel when you let go of the narrating habit.
Related Posts (Some Other Feel Better Techniques):
Start Your Day The Jessica Way
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Photo by Kodomut on Flickr.
Tags: Abraham-Hicks, Law of Attraction, vibrational frequency
September 1st, 2010 at 2:19 pm
What an excellent real life story! I love that you took a stand and that Tim embraced his storytelling so wholeheartedly and that you both shifted states so quickly. Powerful stuff!
Tia – Your Life YOUR Way´s last blog ..When Nothing Is Happening- Everything Is
September 1st, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Thanks, Tia! I appreciate your comment!
September 1st, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Ande,
I’m gonna put my two cents in here even though I am certain it will provoke some kind of response that will make me say, I should have kept my mouth shut. I’ve now made Ande upset with me and that it the last thing that I want.
The thing that hit me when i was reading this was the line, “And worse, with those identities, how could the law of attraction bring us anything except more “not enough money” and “working hard?”.
I dont think the LOA “brings” us anything physical. I think the Universe, God, will bring us and show us the identity that we want to be and then its our job to “embody” it and then “release” it. When you have your manifestation, its never the thing, its all about your identity with or because of the thing. Even when you’re in love, you love the other person but you really love yourself being in love….All Identity. This is where LOA fails. It teaches that if we say the right things and do the right stuff and techniques, and just think happy thoughts then everything will come to us and we will have our desires. That just keeps those teachers of LOA in business.
I know you know this, probably better than me, in fact, I think I learned it from you but its one of the four laws of buddhism, if you allow something to happen in order to make it happen, it wont happen. It just seems to me that by reading that line, how could the LOA bring us…. I believe that every identity that we want is already in existence. Like the Oak tree in the seed. We are not trying to make things happen, we are just becoming ahead of time what we already are. To heck with time and manifestation, that is the Universal Growers job, our job is to take the seed, plant it, water it and then walk away. No digging up the seed.
I recently learned this with my topsy turvery tomatoe plants that grow upside down. For 5 and a half weeks, nothing. I was getting really concerned. Then I just gave up and one week later, bam, huge tomatoes the size of golf balls all over the place. Now they are the size of soft balls.
Even in your line that states how could the law of attraction bring us anything except more “not enough money” and “working hard?” those are really just identities. The identity of poor and the identity of hard worker. Ande, I know i have harped on this identity thing over and over and over again and you have responded many many times with basically, Hey Greg, I get it, I know about identity and I totally get it and agree but….Somehow you seem to go back to something hasnt happened yet and here are my techniques and ways of dealing with it and the low feelings I am experiencing because it hasnt happened yet.
Techniques about learning only to talk about what you liked during the day is great and being appreciative and counting blessings are also great and they have their own reward but the main thing is the release of the ideal identity. Once you wait for the Universe to give it to you, then embody it, the releasing part is the most important part. That is why Abraham hicks have a job and a huge organization. If everyone had this part down, we wouldnt need them at all. There would be no coaches, no Anthony robbins and all the other guru’s. The part where we release and let the Universe do its thing is what I call Keeping the Sabbath. Waiting on the Lord in the Bible. Most Christians dont interpret that correctly but I think that is what is meant by those terms. Once we have embodied our ideal identity, One that was given to us, we didnt create it, once we have embodied it as if it was past tense, we must release it. Then the paradox happens. We think by releasing we give up on it and give it away, not so, that is when the universe steps in and brings it forth. Doesnt create or give it because its already created and done and its already given when asked, the universe just brings it forth like the oak tree that is already in the seed.
September 1st, 2010 at 7:49 pm
First, Greg, of course I’m not upset. I always appreciate your taking the time to add your input to the discussion here.
So, I really get a sense that we have a semantics issue here. I agree that “law of attraction brings” isn’t the most accurate term to describe what happens. Just as gravity doesn’t bring me the pavement when I step off the top of a 50 story building, law of attraction doesn’t bring me my desires. It is more the energy force that puts my desires in front of me to encounter when I am a match to them. And that is where I think we may be saying the same thing but speaking a different language. You say that the identity we want is in existence and that is what I would call the truth of our nonphysical being. We don’t have to create it, we were born with our true identity and all we must do is align with it. I think you call this releasing the identity. And yes, I agree that this is the must. And I also agree that not enough money and working hard are identities. I tried to express that when I wrote the post.
I disagree, though, that the appreciation, storytelling and other techniques are just great things that are their own reward. Yes, they are that, but they’re more than that. They are ways to help “release” your identity. They are ways back to your true self.
I guess you might call them remedial ways for people who have a “what is” that is challenging. I strikes me that most of those who speak of releasing, letting go, etc, are always people whose situation, though not ideal, isn’t extreme. It is much easier to release when that is the case. Yes, I keep falling into bad feelings. The bad feelings aren’t all about “it isn’t here yet.” The bad feelings are natural, albeit unaligned, reactions to extreme circumstances. I’m not perfect. It has taken me time to get to a point where I can say that whatever is is okay and that includes my life being over if that was the case. I call this “being okay” with what is–what you might call releasing or letting the seed sprout on its own.
For weeks, I have had every intention of allowing the seed to do its thing, whether it would grow or fail to thrive. But humanity tends to rear its head and I react to things that are tough to deal with. And what I need are helpers to make it easier to allow my real identity. The things I’ve written about this last couple weeks are finally giving me the peace I need to release the identity.
If I am misunderstanding you, let me know. And anyone who wants to throw in a few cents (or some sense
), please do.
September 1st, 2010 at 9:30 pm
Fun discussion here. I concur with Ande, but it’s nifty that Greg resonates so nicely with the identity concept.
I was sitting on the porch the other evening, so caught up in a fantasy about my son Joel and wife and little daughter moving to Florida from Texas (and thus I could see them more often.)
Long ago, I relinquished any notion that my grown kids should live near me — I want them to follow their dreams, wherever that may lead on God’s green earth. However, if I had my druthers, they would live within easy driving distance.
So…I was immersed in a scenario where Joel gets a lawyer job in Sarasota or some such place and they move there from Houston. I was grooving with the details and getting into the feeling place of it. I’d love for that to happen, but I wasn’t really trying to make it happen — I’m fine if they continue to live happily in Houston.
Anyhow, Mark came onto the porch, and I told him, “Joel is taking a new job in Sarasota.”
We then had a nice little conversation about it — all fantasy on my part, but I was relating it as if it were happening. When Mark realized I was storytelling, he didn’t miss a beat but continued on a ways with me still. We both know from Abraham that this is a wonderful way to enter ye olde Vortex.
Will Joel ever get a job in lovely Sarasota? Will I be able to see little Claire more than just at holiday time? I don’t know. But I do know that I spent some delightful moments in contemplation. And that’s what really counts.
Karen´s last blog ..Mood and Tude
September 1st, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Thanks, Karen, for that storytelling example. Yes, it’s the fact that the story shifts the vibration that matters. If we are storytelling with the notion that it will create the story, resistance will come up quickly when that story doesn’t show right up. The fun is in the play, and the play helps us get in line with our nonphysical being, or what I think Greg is calling identity.
September 4th, 2010 at 5:13 am
This was an interesting post of several levels, and the comments were equally meaningful.
While I understand that the ‘storytelling’ can have an immediate effect on ones’ feelings, it is equally true that it takes us out of the Present Moment and into a potential future (that doesn’t exist any more than the past exists) that may or may not materialize…or ‘manifest’, I guess is the newage venacular
What Abraham and like teachers have yet to explain – or to prove – is that the “Law of Attaction” being a real, scientific ‘law”. In order for it to be a true “law”, it must be 100% replicable by 100% of the population with 100% results as long as the exact same ‘formula’ is being used.
Which we all know isn’t the case.
What the LOA story doesn’t include are things like destiny and fate (seperate phenomenon). For example, it is my fate to have been born a white woman in Southern California. All the LOA in the world won’t change my biology. In my biology are certain natural gifts and abilities. I love to write, and I’m good at it. And I can assure you that I can utilize LOA techniques from here to eternity, and I’d never become, say, an Olympic athelete
Cutting off all conversation about the day – however negative it may be – doesn’t sound healthy to me in the least. I would rather see something like a ‘Bitch Session” in place: 10-15 minutes to just spill it all out – the frustration, the anger, the fear..whatever! And THEN move on. What I see in your proposition is the potential for stuffing, projecting and a lack of integration of those challenging situations that are simply part of the human experience.
However, my opinion aside
it’s nice to see that you are both apparently on the same side where the ‘storytelling’ is concerned. That could be fun.
Grace´s last blog ..Material Girl – Part II
September 4th, 2010 at 10:18 am
Thank you, Grace, for your comment. You’ve added much to the discussion here! I agree that storytelling takes you out of the present moment, but so does talking about your day, because then you’re in the past. whatever moment you’re in, I think the best thing to do is reach for one that feels good.
About the loa being replicable–well, that’s a tricky one. We can’t say it isn’t because we can’t know a person’s vibrational alignment–heck, we often can’t even know our own. I’ll admit that’s hung me up a lot–if I can’t prove it, how can it be? I think the trouble comes when we get into specifics. Yes, if I tried to think myself into being Italian, for example, since I’m a white woman with a Celtic heritage, I’ll get nowhere. But why would I want to be Italian? There’s some desired feeling behind everything we want. The law of attraction is about how the universe matches experience/thing frequencies with thought, not specific items with thought. So if I want to be Italian, though I’m not magically going to do that, I might end up living in Italy or if the reason I want to be Italian is because I think it would make me feel happy, then something else will come along to give me that feeling if I’m a match to it.
I understand your thoughts about the bitch session and stuffing. I’ve done it both ways–vent vs focus on pleasant experiences, and I’ve found that the less I vent, the more pleasant experiences I get to focus on. Obviously, we all need to do what feels best for us.
September 4th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
That was nice that Grace shared her perspective, which many folks would share, and I heartily concur with your response, Ande.
It’s all good. If we all shared the same point of view, Source would become bored as heck as it experiences us.
Karen´s last blog ..Time to Get Caught
September 4th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Thanks, Karen. I heartily agree that it was great for Grace to share her perspective. I love reading the varied comments, and it’s those different perspectives that help us find our own path.
September 6th, 2010 at 10:56 am
Ande, Karen, Grace,
This short couple of paragraphs are written by a friend of mine who is a master at Alignment. His views are what I was trying to say about referring to an ideal that has already been created.
Hope this helps. It has helped me tremendously with letting go and not checking on my imaginal life vs. my factual life. Fulfillment is behind us and not ahead of us.
The problem is that if we are doing something as a way of forcing it to happen through an act of will, this is pure counterintention. If we are saying or doing anything to make a desired outcome be, then we must be believing in its non being. What we want to experience must Already Be in consciousness, to the point that its factual absence falls away is irrelevant in our immediate inner experience. This is why the attempt to use consciousness strategically is always self defeating. We avoid this by going beyond it is done to it was done. (When you pray, believe you have received…) more important not as a strategy but as a report from the claimed consciousness. It helps to think of intending as subjective time travel.
Through imagining, one is taking a future self, the one for who the desire has already been fulfilled, and rendering that as the past self. The sense is that of turning the expectation into a memory.
Instead of anticipating the fulfillment then, we have the experience of recalling it and thus can simply enjoy living the role of the one for whom the desire thing was already realized.
This is exactly why we avoid the construction, “I am intending for such and such to happen”, in favor of, “Im intending that such and such happened”.
We can only rest in the feeling of fulfillment to the extent that we remain in agreement that fulfillment is behind us, not ahead of us in time. The language itself is not the point, but this simple change that we use to talk about these things often brings home the difference between simply visualizing something and entering the point of view of an imaginal reality. The intention must be experienced in the first person, I Am, and imply fulfillment after the fact. We can have anything we want as long as we have become it. That is, as long as we have entered and our resting in the point of view of the corresponding version of self that came to us in our imagining to express the desired fulfillment. We must shift from anticipating the fulfillment to recalling it as though it had already taken place. Our remembering must include the predominant feelings that would naturally belong to the thing in fact.
Finally we have to leave it along and remain true to it in consciousness. We don’t watch the pot, we don’t dig up the seed to see how its doing. We don’t talk about our factual experience vs. our imaginal one. You can easily experiment with switching the sense of anticipation to the sense of remembering as though something you were wishing for was already granted and see how convinced you can become that you are now enjoying having received it.
Once you catch this feeling with already having received, rest in it until it fits, until it becomes second nature and you will see that the true Amen, the Be it So, is not just spoken with the tongue, but with one’s whole being.
September 6th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
This sounds like the fellow here in Orlando, Greg — Philip Golabuk, founder of the Field Center.
Honest to goodness, isn’t there a simpler way to say this? How about: “Have a delicious fantasy and get in the feeling place of it.”
Karen´s last blog ..Bridging the Gap
September 6th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Thanks for the excerpt, Greg. I’m with Karen that it’s a lot of language to just say get in the feeling place of already having the life you desire and being a person NOW who already has that life. I get that we don’t watch the pot or dig up the seed and don’t talk about the what is vs what is wanted, but the idea of CONSTANTLY being in the identity of having achieved the desired result can be more than a little challenging when your now reality is at total odds to the identity you’ve chosen. My understanding is that this is why using ANY METHOD to achieve a feel-good place is a priority because then at least you have achieved the identity (alignment) of the way you want to feel. It seems a bit much to expect us to deal with what’s in front of us now, go to work or handle a bankruptcy or whatever and try to keep in consciousness the identity of someone who’s already achieved the life we want. But it isn’t too much to expect that we can find ways to FEEL GOOD in the midst of any of those things.
Any thoughts on that?
September 7th, 2010 at 8:44 am
I agree, Ande. It’s about finding feel-better thoughts, here and there, little by little, and enjoying the improvement that is the gradual but inevitable result.
Karen´s last blog ..Bridging the Gap
September 9th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Well Karen, if easier way to say it is the focus, then we really dont need any of these blogs or teachers or Abraham fun in particular, we just need two words. Be Happy. Honest to Goodness.
:`)
September 9th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Ande,
Maybe you have uncovered the needle in the haystack here. You say, “It seems a bit much to expect us to deal with what’s in front of us now, go to work or handle a bankruptcy or whatever and try to keep in consciousness the identity of someone who’s already achieved the life we want”…, Well, when we’re trying, its hard… just be it, and let the Universe do the thing that the Universe wants to do but you have to let go. Maybe you have to let go everyday many times a day. This isnt an Ande thing, its and Ande thing with the Universe thing. Ande just intends, “believes”, the Universe does the heavy lifting. Very hard for me to let anyone do my lifting let alone the Universe but when i gave up, The Universe stepped right in. Didnt want to jump becuase i didnt see a net but the net DID appear. That wasnt my part, the net appearing, that was the Universe’s part and He, She, They did make it appear.
If you think its too much to expect then it is….
if you say its too much to expect and embody the identity of the person who already has and is what you desire, but just feel good in the midst of your desire, well, I dont think that will work. Desire alone, and this is where some people will vehemently disagree and say this is too complicated, but Desire alone C-R-E-A-T-E-S N-O-T-H-I-N-G….
Here is the the confusion.. A desire strong enough and focused in some technique like visualization of affirmations can be used to create the condition of the desire. you can want something with all your heart and it doesnt mean that its going to come to pass. If Desire is not the creative structure of consciousness, then what is? That creative structure is intention. Intention is defined as what we are willing to identify with, or say I AM too, and what we take to be real.
While desiring prosperity, most people are intending scarcity and the opposite of prosperity because they are taking there situation to be specifically real to need a fix.
The minute you take to be real the problem, You have already cast your vote.
The minute one tries to employ any technique to change a factual condition, one becomes caught in that contradiction. If one tries to do some technique to create prosperity, then one is already believing in the lack of prosperity. or else there would be no rationale for trying to create prosperity.
Yes there is LOA and consciousness creates cause but you cant use it that way. This is the great paradox.
Its great to feel good but what’s more important is the identity of the person that you embody that is someone who already has or is what you want to be. And that cannot be a future identity, but something that already is. Alignment is the friendly agreement between desire and belief, for its own sake. Desire does not create, belief does and you must have a friendly agreement between the two for its own sake. Love for the ideal, not a strategy to change some factual condition. If we are going about it to change some factual conditions then that is more like seduction than love. Im gonna do this and then Ill get that….
Maybe the part where you say its too much to expect is the heart of it… Alignment should be easy, living in contradiction is supposed to be the hard part.
September 9th, 2010 at 11:44 pm
I love how much you contribute to the discussions here, Greg! To be clear, I have no issue with the letting go. Totally on board with that. It’s the “just be it” I’m struggling with. I’m also intrigued by “The minute one tries to employ any technique to change a factual condition, one becomes caught in that contradiction. If one tries to do some technique to create prosperity, then one is already believing in the lack of prosperity. or else there would be no rationale for trying to create prosperity.” So the minute you get a job to make money and you’re JUST getting the job to make money, you’re doomed to a lack of prosperity? Or do you have to talk yourself into believing you’re getting the job because you think mopping floors or whatever is fun? I certainly get that whatever you are doing you must find the positive aspects of it, but the notion of never doing anything to create something seems a little out there. Never create a business to make money? Never exercise to get in shape? Never eat right to be healthy? It seems a little extreme to say that we won’t get anything we want if we take action to get it. If this was the case, then Tim had the right idea acting like a lottery winner and expecting money to come and we messed up when he went out and got 2 jobs.
The way we look at it, the jobs are the stepping stone. He’s finding what to appreciate about them. But you can be darn well sure that he got them to bring money into our lives. I have trouble with the idea that the intention to create something automatically dooms you to failure. I think if you intend to create something and you take action without finding a feel good place about it you’re doomed to failure, but doomed no matter how you feel? I have trouble with that.
There’s an interesting discussion of this topic of living real life while identifying with the life you want to live on Jeannette Maw’s Good Vibe Blog.
September 10th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I think you misunderstood me or maybe i didnt say it right, im not sure. But when I say , “If one tries to do some technique to create prosperity, then one is already believing in the lack of prosperity. or else there would be no rationale for trying to create prosperity” I am speaking about consciousness as cause. I am speaking about when you are trying to create using LOA. Believe me, I am a major proponent of doing what is before you to do while you are letting go and releasing what you have embodied to the Universe. That has been my message all along. I was overjoyed to hear that Tim had two jobs and that he was trying to do what was before him to do while he was intending.
Kinda like if the roof is leaking water on you but you are intending a new house, you still have to go our and fix the lead because that is what is before you to do. I would never say dont do anything in order to create something. That has been my message all along. Use LOA for the sheer love of the ideal and let go, let the Universe do its thing but in the meantime, do what is practical and useful and normal to head in the direction of where you want to go. That to me is not a contradiction.
September 10th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
You’re right, Greg–I did misunderstand you. NOW I get it, and I’m with you.