Carving Out Something New
A few days ago, Tim and I met with an attorney and provided him with all the paperwork and information he needs to prepare to file my Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Before that appointment, I had about three weeks to get used to the idea that last year at this time, I thought I had more than $50,000 in the bank and no balances running on my credit cards and now here I am filing bankruptcy because of something dumb that my own husband did, something that ran up all my cards and ran down the bank account.
I realize now that I’ve spent the last ten months in shock. When you think you’re trucking along doing just fine and then you get gobsmacked with a “what is” reality that seems to have erupted from the ground beneath your feet like a malevolent alien, shock is a reasonable response, for sure. But it’s not all that helpful to stay stuck in shock for a long time. Shock isn’t exactly a positive vibration.
While in this shock, I have also rocketed up and down the emotional scale. I’ve been in abject despair, barely contained rage, relentless disappointment, edgy annoyance, and extreme frustration. I’ve also been in hope and optimism, and yes, I’ve even been in appreciation and love and joy.
I didn’t realize until I gave into the bankruptcy that shock had been the foundation of all my emotion for these many months. I didn’t realize that I’d yet to fully accept my situation.
The Broken Table
The word bankruptcy can be traced back to the days when business was done on benches or tables in the street. When a businessman couldn’t pay his debts, his trading table or bench was destroyed—this was the indicator that he was out of business. The Latin word for table is “bancus.” And “ruptus” means broken. Thus “bankruptcy.”
The symbolism seems appropriate to me. I certainly feel like my table (my sense of stability and security) has been broken.
And until this last week, I have resisted the idea of admitting that it was so broken that I couldn’t fix it without going through a legal process I’d always viewed with an extremely negative perspective. Did you notice the important word in that sentence?
Resistance.
We all know that when you have resistance, you can’t find alignment with source energy and thus you can’t bring in by law of attraction what you desire to have in your life. And so, all of my shock and refusal to accept that I am where I am has kept me stuck where I am.
Happy Hillbillies
The morning before Tim and I left to go see the attorney, Tim set his metal-framed glasses on the kitchen counter, and when he picked them up again, he was shocked (do you see a theme here?) to find he held only half his glasses. They’d split right down the middle of the nose piece.
He was baffled. He hadn’t mistreated the glasses in any way. They just inexplicably broke.
And oddly, that’s when the shock finally left me.
After Tim and I taped the glasses together and he put them on, I burst out laughing. This was all so ridiculous.
“You really ought to just take off your belt,” I said, “and tie your pants up with a rope, and we can call ourselves hillbillies. We have all the old stuff and old cars …” (When you prepare for bankruptcy, you do an inventory of everything you have, and I faced the fact that most of what we have is so old it has no value to anyone but us.) “… and now you have taped glasses frames. Let’s just embrace our situation.”
Tim didn’t see the humor.
I was still laughing. “Heck, the TV ‘Hillbillies” struck oil,” I said.
I kept giggling. Maybe I was having a breakdown.
And if I was, it was a good one. It was a breakdown of resistance. It was acceptance of what is.
Not that I said acceptance of what is. I’m not saying focus on what is.
You see, I’ve been doing my best NOT to focus on what is. But what I’ve discovered is you can’t remove your focus from what is until you accept it. If you’re pushing against it, you’re focusing on it. You have to be able to say, “It is what it is, and that’s okay.”
What do you do with a broken table?
Well, you can throw it away. Or you can you use the wood for something new.
Transformations In Wood
A couple weeks ago, my friend, Nancy, sent me an e-mail about extraordinary wood carvings that were created from the tree skeletons left in Galveston after Hurricane Ike’s fury roared through. About 40,000 gorgeous old trees died. But the area residents managed to turn this devastating loss into something positive. They cut down the trees and left the stumps, which wood carvers turned into stunning sculptures of dogs and dolphins and toads and mermaids and angels and a whole lot more.
When I saw the pictures of some of these sculptures, I was struck by the awesome creativity and beauty that can grow from the ugliness of loss. I knew I needed to apply the lesson to my own situation, but I wasn’t able to do that until I faced my own broken table.
On Thursday, the day after the meeting with the attorney, I began a new way of being in my world. I’m not just changing a few ways of thinking, I’m changing many ways of thinking AND many ways of acting.
I am taking the broken table of my circumstances and turning it into something new. I am standing in the now of my life, and without looking back at how I got here, I’m designing a new now and a new future, and in doing so, I’m also designing a new past, because my new thoughts are revising my past as well.
In other words, I’m carving something awesome, something abundant, out of the broken pieces of my life.
What will my carving be when I’m done with it?
I don’t know, but I’ll share it as soon as it takes shape.
In the meantime, I offer this to those who think they can’t possibly be happy in their current situation:
I am standing in the aftermath of a personal hurricane that destroyed much in my life (the finances are just a few of the “trees” that have died in my “what is” reality), and I am happy. I’m laughing. I’m having fun. I’m appreciating. I’m finding positive aspects.
You don’t have to wait for alignment to bring you something you desire in order to feel good. Just feel good. Get in alignment. And bask in “ahh” of that ease. Then allow the universe to hand you the tools you need to carve something new.
Tags: Acceptance, Alignment, bankruptcy, galveston tree sculptures, tree stumps in galveston, Vibration
July 3rd, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Been where you are, Ande. Lived through it and learned to see it as a beautiful “do over” gift from this wonderful Universe.
Keep your eyes on want you want, and never again look back as any more focus on it keeps you from moving forward.
What the folks of Galveston have done with those tree stumps is a beautiful example of making lemonade out of lemons! It’s all good, isn’t it?
And, as Abraham reminds us, “You can’t get it wrong, because you never get it done!” It’s all one great, big “do over!”
July 3rd, 2010 at 5:46 pm
You write so beautifully and insightfully, Ande. And all of the this-is-what-happened-and-this-is-how-I’m-transcending-it vignettes have been inspiring and uplifting.
Now, I’d like to challenge you to no longer write one iota of what happened. Tell us simply how good it is and how it’s getting better every day. I want to hear the positive aspects; I want to hear the new story. And it’s going to be a delightful one, of that I’m certain.
Karen´s last blog ..How Can I Improve a Tough Situation
July 3rd, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Ande….. I have been waiting for this post for some time now. I knew you would get here and that it would be so uplifting and liberating. I have been saying all along that you just have to give up. Surrender. The end of resistance. Mine was in March…. We always tell ourselves that when we give up we will feel so defeated and down and deflated but the paradox is that its just the opposite. We are uplifted, liberated and renewed.
Now, the Universe can work and bring the manifestation. Now things will come quickly. Dont look for them to come quickly, but they will.. I am so happy for you. Seems like you are going backwards but you are actually going forwards. Oh the paradox… Just seems like everything is a paradox.
Now you are on the road to recovery and I think the latter will be much better than the former.
Greg T
July 4th, 2010 at 4:44 am
I think you’re absolutely right, you have to make peace with where you are before you can move on. You have to accept that where you are IS where you are and then decide which direction you’re going in from here.
I’ve tweeted your post, I really like it!
I actually wrote a post on that today – seems we were thinking along the same lines
July 4th, 2010 at 11:46 am
Yay Ande! Congratulations on your shift – that is awesome! This is what I’m starting to understand the LOA is all about – not necessarily about having the perfect life, but about having the equilibrium to ride out the bumps by accepting, raising your vibration, seeing the gift etc. And trusting that these bumps are necessary to bring you closer to your desires…even when they seem to be taking you further away!
It also is an excellent point about acceptance – it’s a release, a good feeling, not pushing it down, ‘pretending’ all is well, but accepting that it is what it is and moving up vibrationally from there. I needed that reminder today! x
Donna´s last blog ..Bounce- Bounce
July 4th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Thanks for this post, Ande. It’s wonderful to hear that you’ve moved to such an accepting and positive space. It’s something I continue to need to hear as I go through my own shock of facing court action to evict me from my home, begin steps to move into my daughter’s house where a part of me feels like it will be a huge intrusion on the her and her housemates, all while appearing to not even have the money to hire a bankruptcy attorney. I am so grateful that I do have a place to go, but sometimes it’s so hard to see the positive aspects in any of this. But I know from seeing your example that it can be done, so that gives me a little faith that I’ll get there too.
Patrice´s last blog ..Why the Law of Attraction Has Not Worked For Me
July 5th, 2010 at 6:25 am
WOW – your post really hit home. My husband and I have been laid off this past year (myself coming up on a year) and finally filed bankruptcy in May. Our court hearing date is this week. We had been trying to avoid this possibility for years now – having made some bad financial decisions and living above our means, trying to keep up with the Jones’ and convince ourselves happiness could be bought. I always thought that bankruptcy was the most devastating thing – like confirmation that I had failed in life. But once we made the decision, even though we had to wait 6 months to actually file, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could finally stop working at 6-figure jobs I hated just because I had all these bills to pay. And we could finally stop fighting about money and blaming each other over who was most responsible for getting us into this hole and concentrate on all the abundance we do have in our relationship. I can’t say starting “over” at 40 financially was something either of us ever imagined or planned on, but since this has become our reality – I’ve lost 40lbs., started a business, ghostwritten a book, and reclaimed my inner peace. Not bad! I consider what happened to us in the economic downtown the greatest blessing of our lives. Money truly doesn’t buy happiness, security, peace of mind, sense of purpose, or anything else in life you don’t already have from inside of you.
Good luck on the next step in your journey – great surprises await!
laura
Scent Magic´s last blog ..Scentsy July Giveaway-
July 5th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Laura, that’s great! What a wonderful example of how something ‘bad’ can turn out to be something awesome! xx
Donna´s last blog ..Bounce- Bounce
July 5th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Scent Magic, I found your comment to be extremely helpful. I keep telling myself that my own seemingly devastating experience is going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Like you, I am coming to understand where my true security lies.
Patrice´s last blog ..Why the Law of Attraction Has Not Worked For Me
July 5th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
So right, Lauri! And yes, the tree stumps are an awesome example of turning loss into beautiful gain. Thanks for the reminder to keep my gaze pointed in the right direction.
July 5th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
I accept your challenge, Karen. I may be posting less because of it. I’m just not sure how much my readers would appreciate article after article about how cute Ducky is. She’s THE positive aspect in my life right now. And I delight in her.
July 5th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
Thanks, Greg.
July 5th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Thanks, Isobel. I appreciate the retweet. I checked out your blog, and I love your 30 day focus. I will point you to an older post of mine: http://thesecretiswags.com/2010/04/26/experimenting/ about “testing” the law of attraction. I’ve learned that testing tends to create misalignment. But I do agree with you that we must start from where we are.
July 5th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Thanks, Donna. I agree that trusting in the bumps gets you closer to smooth sailing!
July 5th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
I’m glad my process has offered you some inspiration/faith, Patrice. Just remember the Phoenix–I guess we need some ashes before we fly.
July 5th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Laura. You’ve inspired me and other readers. I am reminded of my divorce in 1996. For a long time, I thought of it as this awful failure and I grieved the vision I had of my life, and then just a few years later, I was married to a man who loves me in ways my previous husband couldn’t and I’d built my life in an ocean-side town (which I’d wanted for some time) and had sold 3 books (also a vision). When we can clean the slate, we have more room to be creative with our colorful chalk.
July 6th, 2010 at 8:50 am
Laura,
What you wrote was a blessing. You are right, these are sacred times, times to be embraced. Abundance is yours but now you have better tools and in a better place to integrate it. I think in our lives, we all at some time have to go backwards in order to go forwards. I look at things from a Christian perspective and the whole message is surrender, let go and let God. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven, In other words, blessed and happy are those who surrender and say, Hey God, Need some help, those are helped and are blessed. I had 45 days of money left in the bank before it was all gone. I finally gave up. 2 days later, the money and provision started rolling in in miraculous ways. I was in the way the whole time flailing and flapping and just wanting to do things my way. My whole thing now is identity. The Universe is always paying attention to and proving who we believe ourselves to be. . In Christianese that is “Be made new in the attitude of your minds; and put on the new self, (identity), created to be like God. (col 3:10. )
The most important and most valuable thing I have gleaned through these times of suffering and humility is that I have learned to awaken to what is making me powerless. Now I generally begin to relax from the mistaken fearfull view that life is against me and see the moments of life as invitations to transcend my own false ideas. I have realized that what I am looking for is what I already am and now I can lead a fearless life. I now believe that God has already lined up solutions for every problem I will ever have, already lined up the people, the breaks, the finances, the opportunity, the wisdom, the ideas, everything needed for abundance. I dont have to go through life frustrated or worried.
“And God is able to make all FAVOR abound to you, that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have abundance for every good deed” (2 Cor 9:8)
Yes these are Sacred times, times to be embraced.
It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering. (Genesis 41:52)
July 12th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone… Only darkness everyday.. Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, and this house just ain’t no home anytime she goes away……
July 13th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Thanks, Greg. Nice to be missed.
I posted today.