Embracing Toddlerhood
Imagine a cute little toddler who is learning to walk. She’s gotten to a point where she can pull herself upright. She can take herky-jerky steps, those steps that always remind me of the lurching gate of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. She can careen a few feet before she plops on her adorable tush. She does this over and over, stumbling, tripping, falling, trying again.
Tell me, would you ever, in a million years, consider screaming at this sweet child, “Get up and RUN, damn you!”? Of course not.
But this is what we tend to do to ourselves when we’re learning a new skill.
Living in awareness of the law of attraction, using thought deliberately to align with desires, is a new skill. We weren’t taught how to do this when we were small and eager to learn (at least I wasn’t).
When it comes to focused thought, we are toddlers.
I’d forgotten that, and I was expecting of myself more than I could do.
This last weekend, I embraced my toddlerhood, and I feel so much better.
What do I mean?
Well, before I tell you my story, let me ask you another question. If you put fifty of the top law of attraction teachers/coaches in a plane, took that plane up to cruising altitude, then shoved the teachers, sans parachutes, out of the plane, how many of them do you think could find vibrational alignment with, “Oh, I’m just fine. This is fun. Something will come along and make sure I won’t go splat when I hit the ground.”? Would these people be able to appreciate the fine texture of the cloud vapor around them, the rush of speed? I’d be willing to bet that most of these experts wouldn’t have the equanimity to allow total wellness and joy in that situation.
My financial situation is a skydiving-without-a-parachute experience. And I’ve been expecting myself to consistently find reasons to feel good in spite of it.
Last year, when I found out the situation I was in, I only told one person. I was determined to not talk about my nasty what is. I WOULD NOT look at the big, voracious, noisy, smelly elephant in the room. I would not. I would find reasons to feel good.
This was my intention. I kept failing to keep to it.
Over time, I ended up sharing my situation with more people (writing about it on a blog has a tendency to do that). I didn’t, however, tell my parents. My parents aren’t in a financial position to help us. Their health is not the best. Being positive and upbeat doesn’t come easy to them. Why tell them and deprive them of sleep?
For nine months, I’ve hidden the situation. I’ve had days when I just didn’t think I could listen to my mother complain about dirt on her driveway or an improperly pruned bush in her yard. I didn’t think I could sound cheery and upbeat during our daily phone calls or visits.
My mother hates that I’m overweight, and from time to time, she tries to give me advice about it. My weight is the least of my concerns right now, but I never told her that.
Last Saturday, Mom came over to use her computer (which she’s kindly letting me use while mine is being repaired), and when she was done, she said, “I think I know what’s blocking your energy. It’s your weight.”
I just couldn’t help myself. I lost it. I said, “Don’t talk to me about my weight. You have no idea what’s going on. You just don’t.”
She protested, and before I knew it, I was spewing it all out. The whole nasty story of Tim’s mistake and lies and our debt and the new lawsuit and everything I’ve felt over the last few months blasted from my mouth.
Part of me was listening to me and thinking, “Why are you activating this vibration? Why are you telling the what is story?”
But I couldn’t stop.
Mom was shocked, stunned, distressed beyond words. And then, she was compassionate. She began to understand some of my behavior over the last few months. She agreed that my weight wasn’t such a big deal. She said I must have wanted to scream when she talked about her problems with bushes or dirty floors.
I cried. She said she wished she could fix it for me.
We talked for a long time.
After the initial barfing of the what is story, we began to talk about what we wanted. She told me she wanted to be able to give me the money I needed. I told her I wanted to get it myself and then give her money too. We talked about how fun that would be.
By the end of the conversation, I felt SO much better.
The feeling of relief was HUGE. I don’t know how Mom felt, but I felt like I’d just dropped a few pounds without diet or exercise.
Since that day, my energy level has gone up tremendously. I’ve found it easier and easier to think about having a lot of money or to just think about things I want.
So what happened? Why did focusing on the what is problem help me?
I think it helped because, when it comes to deliberate creation, I’m a toddler. By expecting myself to be able to blithely focus on my puppy dog and the trees in my yard and whatever else I appreciate in the face of complete financial disaster was the equivalent of screaming at a toddler to RUN. I was expecting myself to move too far up the emotional scale too fast. I pushed instead of allowing.
Something about telling my mother the truth gave me space to improve my alignment a little bit at a time.
The same day I told my mom, a good friend I hadn’t seen in four years came to visit me, and I ended up telling her too. I told her I’ve been asking myself what to do for nine months. She said, “It’s too big for you to solve. You have to let the universe do that.”
Well, yes, duh. I knew that, but I haven’t been allowing it.
Maybe I’m the only one who is this hard on myself. Maybe I’m the only one who thought I should be able to do this deliberate creation, focused thought thing just right as soon as I learned about the law of attraction. I suspect, however, that there are others of you out there. I suspect some of you may not be embracing your law of attraction toddlerhood.
Yes, we need to put our focus on what we want. Yes, we need to feel as if we already have what we want. Yes, we need to appreciate.
But we’re also toddlers learning how to do all of that. We won’t do it perfectly. And sometimes we need to spew before we can focus.
I tried to focus before spewing. It hasn’t worked all that well.
It feels so much better to nurture my toddler creator. She’s stumbling toward deliberate creation, and when I encourage her instead of berating her for not being more graceful about it, she’s having a great time.
—-
Photo by Sdminor81 on Flickr.
Tags: Alignment, deliberate creation, focused thought, Law of Attraction, vibrational alignment
June 3rd, 2010 at 1:02 pm
That’s a great analogy, Ande, and so apt. I “fall down and go boom” quite often, frankly, but it’s still so much fun to get back on my little feet and continue to forge ahead. Look out world, here I come! And when I get a bad booboo…well, that’s why God made Band-aids.
Karen´s last blog ..Oil and More Oil…
June 3rd, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Well said Ande, You just have to be a little nicer to Ande. have a little more patience with her, she will get to where she needs to be and she loves encouragement. Encouragement will help her get there quicker. Once you give her time and kindness, she will surprise you. Wonderful person really, spend some time appreciating her and giving her encouragement and watch what happens…..:-)
June 3rd, 2010 at 2:59 pm
Thanks so much for this reminder, Ande. Like you, I’ve been expecting SO MUCH of myself, chastising and beating up on myself for letting my finances get out of whack, seeming to have such a hard time fixing the problem (the wrong approach, for sure!), pushing against what-is instead of focusing on what I want and aligning vibrationally with it. I had one of those “crying jags” with a good friend of mine a few weeks back. It felt so good to get all my worries and woes off my chest. Sharing with her really helped get me back into alignment, and I’m grateful she gave me the space in which to do it.
This IS new stuff compared to the lifetimes we’ve spent focused on “what is.” And Greg is right, we need to nurture ourselves, love ourselves unconditionally, forgive ourselves, appreciate ourselves, and not push ourselves so hard to get it right, as you are saying. We’re doing the best we know how, and that’s all that matters. And even if we aren’t, that’s ok, too. I’m slowly learning to let go and let LOA/Universe/God/the Manager handle the details, and this post is a reminder of my toddlerhood in this area; I’m easing up on myself and feeling a lot better about it as a result.
Thanks for continuing to write such insightful and helpful articles!
Patrice´s last blog ..Why the Law of Attraction Has Not Worked For Me
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:42 pm
LOL Karen. Given where I’ve been on the emotional scale the last few days, I’d say I’ve done a big “fall down and go boom.” And describing it as such makes me feel better already. Do they sell really BIG boxes of bandaids?
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Thanks, Greg!
As a friend of mine said, if I treated myself half as well as I do my dogs ….. 
I’m working on that.
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:45 pm
You’re welcome, Patrice. It’s great that we can help each other learn to toddle around, and I know that the more we nurture and encourage ourselves and each other, the faster we’ll start running with joyful abandon.
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Yeah. What they said!
Actually, and NOT coincidentally (don’t you love it), I found myself in a similar situation yesterday. I was talking with a friend and casually mentioned how nice it would be to get through a day and NOT think about my ex-husband…and then tears came to my eyes! OMG! I mean, we’ve been divorced 5 years . . . hello? True, we were married 20 years. I initiated the divorce, he remarried about 3 years ago, and even though I thought I had moved past the pain of all that – and I’m keeping my focus on what I want, not on what I don’t want… some little piece of our lives together creeps in every day. How could it? I let it go, didn’t I? I’m a DELIBERATE CREATOR!
Well, to borrow another toddler reference…. POOP. What can we do but give ourselves permission to continue to take baby steps, and nourish our blessed little beings for moving forward despite the contrast? We’re still learning. We didn’t download the LOA info directly into our bloodstream, but we ARE getting it. And I’m gonna allow myself to keep leaning in the direction I want to go.
Keep up the fantastic work, Ande. You are SO loved!
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:34 pm
LOL, Lauri — POOP.
Yes, baby steps and nourishment–the perfect prescription for learning. 
June 3rd, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Oh my gosh, Ande. I’m so delighted about your breakthru’ I’d hug you if I could! And I think — seriously — that this is probably one of the most important articles on LOA I’ve read in … heck, the most important I’ve EVER read. This constant harping so many “experts” do on how we absolutely MUST keeping thinking those positive, upbeat thoughts and never, ever allow Those Other Thoughts into our heads makes me want to scream at times. We’re not perfect. We’re not experts (yet). We’re all (mostly) out here on the edge trying to make our way as best we can, and while it’s simple, it sure isn’t easy. If all it took was Happy Thoughts 24/7, where would our growth & expansion come in? Where would contrast some in?
When we hold the Bad Stuff in, when we refuse to allow ourselves to acknowledge the Now, to feel it (not wallowing, just gentle allowing of a reality), and when we keep it a dark secret, I think we increase the negative vibrations ten-fold. Usually, things we keep silent about are things we feel guilty and/or shameful about (usually for no real reason, it’s just how we’re made). We’re not good enough, thin enough, rich enough, smart enough, whatever enough or we wouldn’t be in this situation — isn’t that what we secretly believe (or at least suspect) at some deep part of ourselves? And guilt & shame carry heavy, bad vibrations.
And as hard as we heroically try to avoid thinking about them, to never let doubt or fear consciously in — impossible. As you say, Ande: try to not think of elephants in the living room! I dare ya! Oh, you can try. You can walk through the room with your fingers in your ears singing la la la really loud, eyes tightly shut (I don’t see you, I don’t see you, no elephants here!). But they’re still there, scaring the cats, eating the geraniums and crapping on the rug.
Airing those elephants (judiciously, with trusted ones), letting the sunshine in, just letting go of that terrible, heavy load of secret shame, guilt & fear — that has GOT to do our souls good! And then, from THAT spot, that lightness and hope and self-love and belief that anything IS possible — that’s the place to work from. Our heart is open in that moment, our belief in miracles and joy boundless. It’s a power point, a point from which our vibrations can soar.
I’m so glad you shared your elephants with your mom & best friend. So glad you feel better. And thank you SO much for reminding us of the power of easing our darkness with the light of trust and love. I’m a devout practitioner of LOA, but I do sometimes think we need to challenge some of the oft-repeated “rules” that seem to have sprung up in the last couple of years and find what works for us. I listen to the so-called “experts”, but I filter their rules & advice through my own intuitive sense of what’s going to work best for me.
Take care, and thank you so much for your honesty and openness and sharing. It makes a huge difference.
June 4th, 2010 at 10:48 am
Thank you, Susann! For both the hug and the beautifully written comment. Scaring the cats and crapping on the rug indeed …
… there’s been a lot of that going on in my house for several months. 
I can remember hearing Abraham say, “You are where you are, and that’s okay.” or “You put your boat in the stream from where you are.” I thought I understood that, but until I had the experience with my mom, I didn’t realize that I was trying to put my boat in the stream AHEAD of where I was and I didn’t feel at all okay about where I was. I appreciate hearing that my openness does help … it’s been an interesting journey to write about law of attraction from the messy place I’m in when most of what you read is purportedly written by people who have it ALL figured out. 
Thank you for adding such value to this community of deliberate thinking toddlers.
June 14th, 2010 at 10:55 am
Just a quick note as I am at work and supposed to be working
Ande, I haven’t heard you sound so positive in . . . probably years!! I am so glad that you opened up to your mom. I’ve thought for a long time that perhaps you should, but I know what a “unique” relationship you have with her and so wasn’t sure of what to say about it. I can sense the relief in your soul. You know I love you–I’ll call ASAP.
June 14th, 2010 at 10:57 am
Thanks, Nancy … for the support and the love! And yes, it was a relief and I have even more now. Welcome back from vacation. I understand your kitties had fun with toilet paper while you were gone.