My Picture, My Paints, My Choice
Saturday, March 20th, 2010After I posted, How I Spell Relief, I received a message from a new writer friend. I’ve only corresponded with Gina for a couple weeks, but positive energy and enthusiasm radiate from her. Her attitude about life can be summed up in the title of a Facebook group she created, HELL Yes, Pigs Fly (the group is closed right now because she’s working on it, but it will be open again soon).
Regarding how to find a feeling good place when your work or efforts are being rejected, Gina wrote:
“What has helped me so much is to take complete responsibility for myself, to understand in an emotional way that I don’t HAVE to prove myself to anyone, to BE myself fully.
”Those rejection letters or any comments that sting are whatever YOU NEED them to be to validate whatever YOU NEED to feel or whatever feels comfortable to feel. There are all kinds of ways to validate fear that we all have, all kinds of ways to see failure if failure feels easier emotionally than success does. It’s about making a decision to change what feels comfortable if it’s something we’re ready to move away from.
“We repeat what we know. I had emotional abuse plugged into my love receptacle when I was a child. THAT was love for me. So, while I was anxious and determined to get away from that kind of love, I also struggled in a horrific way because THAT was my picture.
“Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to break free from an old picture and to paint a new one.
“Writing is such a personal expression. Sharing it is intensely personal. It’s hard to NOT feel it personally when someone doesn’t love what you’ve created.
“Take what feels constructive and helpful …. Leave the rest behind. You don’t NEED anything that doesn’t feel constructive and helpful. That’s just trash.
“Your journey is what matters most of all. A turn left instead of right changes your whole world sometimes. LIFE is full of wonder.”
And so it is, Gina.
Gina’s words prompted me to take a look at the picture I’ve been painting the last few years. When I looked, I wasn’t happy with what I saw. The picture was disjointed and dark, full of images that had nothing to do with the life I want to live and everything to do with my fears, resentments, and disappointments.
Tim, Ducky, and I spent yesterday evening with our good friends, Lyn and Kathy and their dog, Jake, on the beach by a fire, under a sky full of “God’s little lanterns.” While the dogs played, we humans sat by the fire and listened to the surf provide percussion for a chorus of frogs singing Spring harmony from east of the dunes. The dogs ran and barked and wagged, and we humans talked and laughed.
For over four hours, life was pure and simply perfect. Everything was right. I felt peaceful and secure and loved. I hope my friends and my husband felt the same. (I know the dogs did—they always feel that way.)
I’ve been flailing about for years trying to do things that would bring me the feelings I experienced last night. In the flailing, I’ve painted a mess.
I’m ready to paint a new picture, one that looks like yesterday evening. And what thrills me is that I don’t have to go back and redo the picture I’ve created over the last few years. I can just turn away from it and put my attention on my new canvas.
Abraham-Hicks says, “There is nothing for you to go back and live over, or fix, or feel regret about now. Every part of your life has unfolded just right. And so –now– knowing all that you know from where you now stand, now what do you want? The answers are now coming forth to you. Go forth in joy, and get on with it.”
And that is what I’m going to do.
You create your reality. What picture are you painting?
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